SPD: The Last Patrol

FADE IN:

INT. CONTROL ROOM.

As we open, DOGGIE KRUGER (here a cardboard box man labeled "Doggert Krugland") sits at his desk, inspecting his paper work on his SCIENCE COMPUTER. He types on the pages.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Almost done, yet never complete. We shall all rise and fall like Sirius in the moonlight.

JACK enters in casual clothing.

JACK

Kruger.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Jack...it's you. But is it really you?

JACK

No.

Jack is no longer there.

Doggert returns to his paper work.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

B-Squad was never here, their presence only a black mercy that shrouded my hopes and dreams. My love.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)

Yet you always knew it was fake.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Half hearted gnosis, wrapped in a sesame seed bun of contrariwise.

Beat.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Please stay, Kat.

A FRAMED PICTURE OF CATHERINE SUTHERLAND jumps onto the desk.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

My Kat Ranger.

PICTURE OF CATHERINE SUTHERLAND

My Ranger. Why hide in the shadows?

Doggert picks up the picture, slowly rubbing it on his face for what seems like an entire minute, but is actually three. His tears are ambiguous.

He sets the picture down just as BRIDGE enters the room, his hands covered in butter. He's terrified of himself, looking at his hands.

BRIDGE

They made me do it. They made me do it.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

What you did was your own will, Bridge.

BRIDGE

...no...no...

Bridge sits on his knees.

BRIDGE

No.

PICTURE OF CATHERINE SUTHERLAND

His suffering is his only pleasure.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Let him breathe.

Doggert grabs Bridge, pulling him up.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Bridge.

BRIDGE

...Kruger?

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Let it be.

Bridge convulses, stepping over to the desk and picking up Catherine. He breaks the glass from the frame and starts to cry, cutting his face. He bleeds butter.

BRIDGE

I can see so much. I can see...

He turns and, in his point of view, Doggert's box is now a plastic container labeled "Kraglor Dogman." Inside is nothing.

BRIDGE

I see you, Kruger. I see your soul.

Bridge stumbles off.

BRIDGE

But see nothing all the same.

Doggert approaches a mirror, seeing his tupperware self.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

NOOOO!

He breaks the mirror and clumsily falls over.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Who are weeeee?

INT. MESS HALL.

SYD and Z are eating nothing at all despite the movement of utensils and mouths. SKY, wearing a blue shirt, is sitting next to Jack.

SKY

Make me me.

Sky rips off Jack's red shirt, causing Jack to disappear in a faint scream.

Bridge stumbles in, looking at Sky.

Z

I will be big.

SYD

Myspace.com.

Bridge tackles Sky onto the table and the two wrestle. Z and Syd do not acknowledge their existence.

Bridge slams Sky's head onto the table and Sky is unconscious, bleeding butter out of the back of his head. As Bridge consumes his body, which is suddenly made entirely of toast, Death Cab for Cutie's "The Sound of Settling" plays for the duration of the consumption.

Bridge stands, observing his two female co-officers.

SYD

Do you think you can keep going?

Z

Pleasure is the dark crescendo of nihilism.

Bridge stumbles zombie-like out of the room, holding Jack's red shirt.

INT. HALLWAY.

Bridge falls.

INT. CONTROL ROOM.

Doggert Krugland lays on the ground amongst broken glass for four minutes.

INT. HALLWAY.

Jack, now a ghost, attempts to steal Bridge's new red shirt. Bridge turns and kicks Jack in the testicles, which do not exist because he is a ghost.

JACK

WHAT IS A MAN?

Jack falls over, but makes no sound.

JACK

Why is a man?

Jack cries.

INT. CONTROL ROOM.

Doggert Krugland walks slowly toward the door. He knocks his head against the wall, having missed the door.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Why.

INT. HALLWAY.

Krugland walks and sees the weeping Jack ghost.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

You were my finest creation. And now here, on our last patrol, you fail me.

JACK

Forgive me, Kruger.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

I can't forgive you, because you're dead.

For a brief moment, Jack is ADOLF HITLER.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

As we were.

He starts walking.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

As we are.

INT. MESS HALL.

Doggert looks at Z and Syd.

Z

My life must have meaning.

SYD

Tumblr.

A STILL FRAME OF DOGGERT AND KATBERT MAYONAIX, LABELED.

KATBERT MAYONAIX

Do you believe in eternity?

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

I believe we must last forever.

KATBERT MAYONAIX

But do we?

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Yes.

INT. MESS HALL.

Doggert murders Z and Syd.

INT. CONTROL ROOM.

Bridge is sitting at the control panel wearing a Doggert Krugland head. He is typing science.

BRIDGE

More.

Krugland walks into the room.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Stop, Bridge, before you compartmentalize the ouroboros.

BRIDGE

It's morphin' time. Butter blaster turbo power.

Bridge stands up, wearing a red, blue, and green shirt. He touches his Doggert face.

BRIDGE

SPD Emergency.

Bridge shudders as he stands.

BRIDGE

SPD...Red...Blue...Green...

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

Bridge. No.

BRIDGE

Shadow...Omega...Nova...

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

You cannot contain them all.

BRIDGE

Deka...Gold...

Bridge collapses in a heap of dead colors. Seven seconds of "Glycerine" by Bush play.

Doggert sits on the ground.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

I have not mastered the dekas. I have mastered nothing. I have nothing.

He touches Bridge's dead body.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

I don't deserve any of you. I don't deserve love.

He turns and walks again, opening up a kitchen cabinet that is in the room. He pulls out a box of Lucky Charms cereal.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

WHY DID YOU LIVE FOR ME?

He angrily tears the box open, pouring the multi-colored cereal all over the floor. Screaming.

He trips all over the cereal, dropping the now empty box. He cries.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

ISINIAAAAA!

He crawls across the cereal, grabbing chunks of it and looking at them.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

I SEE YOUUUU.

He throws the cereal, crushing some under his hand. He finally makes it to the cereal box, staring it in the eyes.

DOGGERT KRUGLAND

WHY DID YOU COME BACK FOR ME?

He screams and, over the course of four minutes, slowly tears the box apart.

He weeps and we fade out.

END?