Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The MacFarlane Theorem

I was never one for math. Far too complicated for my brainmeats. On my homeworld, I have an R8 (that's Romulax 8eretor, or "intelligence sum") of regurtillex glorbnox, but that's only about 47 intelligence quotient points on your Earth scales. And that's only assuming I converted right, as we just established I am terrible at remlors/maths. It comforts me knowing there're much more intelligent sapients than myself working around the clock to hammer out all the theories and equations that keep order in our universe.

That being said, I don't ask for much. I don't ask for answers, just the tools to find those answers. My own incompetence with using these tools is fairly irrelevant, albeit hilarious. So I certainly got more than I bargained for when I learned about the MacFarlane Theorem, an incredibly important equation that actually maps out the secrets of the universe. And really, it's so simple I'm surprised even a beegarf like me wasn't aware of it.

E=MC BEARED

The MacFarlane Theorem is a universal constant. Its purpose is to construct the perfect family unit. A family unit that can sustain the foundation of the entire universe and ensure evolution runs its proper course, lest we become butternubs and stupids. They say that there is no traditional family unit anymore, but that's merely because we've neglected MacFarlane's work. I feel we should put a stop to this negligence and so, here and now, I will raise abearness of MacFarlane's work. 

Hey Lois, remember that time we were an Eclectic Haberdashery post?

It's not just a construction based around the nuclear family, but a nuclear family with growth potential. Sure, man+woman+son+daughter does equal sign family, but we have more. We have Super Genius Baby and Talking Dog, two fairly unusual additions. Are they significant? How significant are they?

Joke!

This family isn't much different. Lacking in a genius baby, sure, but not all samples have to be the same to illustrate the same basic point. The MacFarlane family is an adaptive family who is also to survive and endear in absurd situations while still maintaining a basic, nuclear core. And the reason for this? This is the structure for evolution. A strong core, plus absurdist additions, doesn't just allow for high cutting edge comedy. It's the road map of the universe. With our powerful  foundations, we can take anything the world throws at us and not only keep our strength, but become enriched higher beings and cooperative units.

Hey Lois, remember that time we were black in an Eclectic Haberdashery article?

Most would accuse MacFarlane of being a hack, particularly due to the development of the young, suave baby Rallo. But I disagree. MacFarlane is a genius, creating a fictional universe with a consistent constant familial structure that's telling us how we SHOULD live. Traditional family unit with an unpredictable variable to keep us strong and from dying off as a species. Why, in The Cleveland Show, Cleveland even befriends the one major thing to truly give him and his family challenges: a talking bear.

Citation: The Cleveland Show, "Pilot"

This is not the apathy of a hack but more so the consistent, quality touch of an auteur. In the Family Guy/Abearican Dad/Cleveland Programme universe, all families are nuclear constructions with seemingly random, inappropriate, cartoonish additions...not because of a lack of creativity, but because of a message. It is these families that always survive and restore their own status quo every week. It is these families who have the most endearingly exciting lives in their respective worlds. And it is these families who are always able to solve the most ridiculous, intolerable problems. These families are consistent in their make up for one reason: they are the perfect illustration of human kind's evolutionary potential. They aren't like most beings: the MacFarlane family is a perfect being.

And like all great mathemelogians, MacFarlane is not an innovator as much as he's just enhancing the formula of previous scholars.

Hey Lois, remember that time we were dinosaurs in an Eclectic Harberdashery article?

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