Gary Oak: Batman of Kanto. Part 2 of the Pokemon double Feature

BAM! 2 Pokemon articles in a day. Of course, that's because my computer derped out on me last friday and I procrastinated throughout the week, but it means you, dear readers, get a double dosing of Haberdashian Pokemon! Earlier today we examined the deconstruction and reconstruction of the Black and White duo, but now we're going to focus our gaze on the unsung hero of Kanto, the region where it all began, this guy:

Pictured: The condescending scorn of heroism

Now, it may be a little difficult to back up the claim that a boy regularly called such colourful names as Urethra by an entire country is a hero, but that's because we've only played through the games from the course of Red. What if Gary were the silent protagonist and we watched the game through his journey, well let's find out, through the Gary Oak Journal

Journal Entry Day 1

'Sup faggot! You keeping a diary now? Laaaame. Well, whatever, gramps wants me to keep a record of my journey so I may as well do something while I travel. Besides, it's best that I keep notes so I can explain things simply too him. His Alzheimers isn't serious yet, but just this morning he forgot my name! The dick next door, Red, told Grandpa my name was Sperm Nugget! WTF? That kid can be a real ass sometimes. Aw well, I joke's on him cause even though he got the first pick (which Grandpa said i could totally have!) I still got the pokemon I wanted, AND it's got the advantage over him! Bonus! I lost, but that's because this stinking Squirtle doesn't know anything except for Tackle and Growl. Lame. But, it's just the start of the adventure, and with Squirtle, I forsee a great adventure ahead of us!

Journal Entry Day 2

Alright, journal time. Just about to challenge the first gym after going through the Veridian Forrest. Ended up catching a few awesome pokemon off on route 1. My first catch was my Rattata. I love the little guy, so playful and quick. I hear that Red caught a mouse pokemon too, but I bet he's nothing compared to my Rattata. I also caught a Pidgey, but I've put off training him until after the rock gym. I love the little guy, but he'll be knocked down in one blow here, and I can train him up on the way to Cerulean. Anyway, stoked to challenge Brock, I'll phone Gramps when I win!

Journal Entry Day 3

Ugh, stupid Red. Day starts off great, 2 gym badges under my belt, I beat some Team Rocket Dweebs, caught a rare pokemon, and Pidgey evolved into Pidgeotto earlier than expected! Would have been a great day if that brat hadn't shown up and swpet my team with that one Pikachu of his. Seriously, thundershock after thundershock, I was powerless! But, looking on the bright side, it looks like Rattata and Squirtle are about to evolve. And I got a ticket to the S.S. Anne. Tomorrow is sure to look up!

Journal Entry Day 4

... I don't want to write about it.

Journal Entry Day 5

I mean, seriously, why wasn't there a Pokemon Centre on that damn boat?!?! Ratticate...

Journal Entry Day 6

Well, there's no use denying it anymore. Guess all there is left to do is make sure he gets a propper send off. Grandpa gave me the number of a guy named Mister Fugi in Lavender Town who runs a funeral service. He also transferred over a pair of rare pokemon for me, a Growlith and an Eggsecute. I appreciate them, and I'll put them on the team, but I need to organize things with Mister Fugi before I get my passion for battling back. We should have a service tomorrow.

Journal Entry Day 7

SERIOUSLY?!?! Goddamn that Red! He didn't even have a Pokemon to say goodbye to, he just came here to train against mourning trainers! What a dick! And while that bag of snot was tying me up in a battle, those Team Rocket Goons kidnapped Mister Fuji! I won't let either of them get away with this!

Journal Entry Day 8

I have to train. I have to become the strongest trainer that ever was. If I aim to protect my pokemon and to stop Team Rocket, I need to become much stronger. I'll rescue Mister Fuji, I'll avenge Ratticate, and I'll protect my pokemon while doing so. Today, the Gary Oak of old dies.

Journal Entry Day 9

Damn, when I said "The Gary Oak of old dies" I didn't want everyone to start calling me Sperm Nugget. Seriously Red? You have nothing better to do while an evil criminal empire runs about? Ugh, looks like I have an uphill battle ahead of me. In any case, the training is going great! My pokemon have all evolved to their final stage, and I've taken up some training at the dojo. Tomorrow We're going to defeat Team Rocket and rescue Mister Fuji.

Journal Entry Day 10

I seriously think Red may be a part of Team Rocket. The kid battles me when I'm trying to stop the Rockets, even though we should have the same goal here, and then he steals some poor guy's Lapras! he'll probably never even use the thing! Ugh, and then I hear a call from Fuji that red rescues him, but not before tormenting the spirit of a dead pokemon and extorting him for the Poke-Flute! If you need to wake up a pokemon that bad, just buy some Awakenings bro! Getting sick of this kid, decided to blow off steam by defeating some gym leaders, piece of cake. Still though, I wonder about that Red...

Journal Entry Day 11

Today was pretty good, which was a nice change of pace. Welcomed a new teammate aboard and defeated a new set of Gym leaders. Just the last guy left in Veridian, just north of where it all started... I caught my Rattata just outside of Veridian City. Feels wrong not to have him with me. But that's why we started all this, isn't it? And again, back on the positives, I can go see gramps again!

Journal Entry Day 12

OK, seriously think red is a member of Team Rocket right now. I just saw him walk out of the gym twirling a team Rocket cap while looking at his new badge. Fucker probably used some stolen pokemon to do the job. I challenged him to a battle and of course I lost. I was pretty beat up, but then I went into the Veridian gym (after healing of course) and found a badge just lying there on the ground! Score! Anyway, forget about Red, all I have to do is worry about the Elite Four

Journal Entry Day 13

Holy Cow, this has been the greatest day ever! First thing in the morning, i turn on the radio and hear that Team Rocket has disbanded! Awesome! Those guys won't steal from anyone any longer! Then I go through Victory Road and defeat absolutely everyone! My team must have power-leveled through that road. And it would be impossible to talk about this day without mentioning that I became champion! Haha! I am the Pokemon Champion! yep, squashed the Elite Four, entered the Hall of Fame, and I just Called Gramps so that he can come to the Award Ceremony tomorrow! He was so proud, even if I had to lead him along through the conversation. He still has some trouble remembering people, but I'm sure he'll still be proud of me tomorrow. Today is awesome!

Journal Entry Day 14

Fuck Red.