Oasis of Lies

Pop culture is a fairly existentialist body of expression. As a general rule, if somebody invests themselves into a work of fiction they will ride it through life like a rusted anal toboggan. As it whispers sweet nothings into our ears like our dads that one time (daddy no daddy please daddy no i dont wanna be a chip and dale rescue ranger anymore), we feel comforted by the fact that these lies are essentially true. We have actually, as a race, developed a means to categorize various fictions into whether or not they are correct, or "canon." Some lies are more equal than others, much like comparing our father's platonic affection to his more personal affections.

daddy no

So where is this place? We are like true, living gods (see: Fighting Foodons), crafting civilizations and universes that do nothing but give our painful chaos a fanciful structure that, through a well told labyrinth of deceptioncons, can give us an entirely new reality born from nothing but our own desire to be somewhere else. But all worlds require a sense of logic to them, to be consistent and kept together by sciences or sorcery. To break these bonds, to shatter the fabric of the reality we've constructed (see: the Gospel of Luke), is to destroy the very fabric of reality itself. We create real worlds and they are delicate, soft, tender; like school boys at a playground.

But, as many enthusiasts will attest, some of these canons are more valuable than others. So, I ask again, which of these worlds is the REAL world?

DADDY NO

It's as God decreed, after all.  "Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them." We are a race of storytellers, and the narratives we forge exist to us. They exist, in the ether, beyond the veils of reality because we claim it so. But we are also quick to claim worlds as false. For every episode of Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers we will accept into our sacred gospel, there're ten more that we cannot accept as a part of our glorious world. We are angry gods, and we smite the abominations from our history as we inch closer, closer, closer to Xanadu.

This totally happened, though.

But are we doing more harm than good? Blessed by the grace of God to have our angels at our every command, nerdy debates have now become great deluges throughout the multiverse as beings whisper in and out of history. Every time you question Han Solo promising to get Chewy home in time for Life Day, memories, moments, notions, and dreams are being slaughtered. To deny such events is to willingly take a massive ax to every single last citizen of Panna, clobbering them repeatedly in the face because they do not belong and they taint the perfect world crafted closely, carefully by the observers who wish to take that, rewind it back, and live in their flawless firmament forever and ever. Amen.

So I'm saying most people who read this blog are proooobably serial killers.

Goddamn that mouth is purty.

So the next time you debate endlessly on whether or not Son Goku pooped four times or five times keep in mind the dangers that come with wanton canon erasing. We are a pantheon of angry gods, with angels dancing like puppets to please our often contradictory whims daddy no i tried my best daddy please. Sometimes, perhaps it is just best to let things be as they are. Lest you kill dozens upon dozens of small chipmunk children through a brutal existential grinder that will harvest their bodymeats for your turkey dinner that, incidentally, is NOT turkey and you can see where your turkey dinner plans (e.i., the plan to acquire and consume turkey) may have fallen flat when your first move was to find an animal that was not a turkey.