A Television Pitch I Wrote This One Time

SHAOLIN SOJOURNERS

By

ImmaDeker

PREMISE

SHAOLIN SOJOURNERS follow two warriors, the cursed lone wolf KREED and the star pupil of the Fenghueng Shaolin Temple, STUART, as they go on a journey to find their destinies. Kreed must battle Stuart to lift the demonic curse that has befallen him, but Stuart is less interested in Kreed and more consumed by his mandatory journey to seek the king of the Shaolin world, SHAOLIN SHOOBADOO. If Kreed wants to battle, Stuart must first prove his worth to the Shaolin King.

SUMMARY

Shaolin Sojourners is a half hour comedy series that serves as an affectionate parody of American tokusatsu adaptations such as POWER RANGERS, VR TROOPERS, and KAMEN RIDER DRAGON KNIGHT. Kreed and Stuart take a quest across a strange America resembling live action kid’s television from the 1990’s, with each week providing a whole new world and adventure.

The series, being a take on the adaptation of Japanese footage, will actually feel like a hybrid of several different shows (none of which actually exist). Kreed and Stuart both have superhero forms stolen directly from foreign kid’s television that will either manifest in faked Japanese stock footage or faked American footage (which will require separate, noticeably terrible costumes). The shows they’re derived from are, of course, completely fictitious and made specifically for our program.

There is no overarching story between episodes, though running gags and bits of characterization will develop, grow, and change. Our pilot episode will feature two different monsters, but a normal episode will only really feature one. Some monsters may recur in various ways, because this show would probably fuck a budget up the ass.

CHARACTERS

KREED- Kreed is a warrior forever cursed to wander the Earth in search of a powerful adversary. He is very no-nonsense, never relenting in his stoic mannerisms and desire to battle. He’s less a hero and more of a fighter and he sees each new enemy as an obstacle more than something he is morally obligated to defeat. He takes everything in this universe deadly seriously, which may occasionally put him at odds with what’s actually being presented on screen.

His hero form is “Battle Soldier”, as given to him by a scientist who often assists him in his journeys for opponents. In the context of our series, the Battle Soldier suit is a state of the art, strength enhancing combat suit. In our metafictional backstory, however, Battle Soldier is adapted from “Lovely Heart Princeman”, a limited run series about a flamboyant “prince” who would get into farcical situations while trying to woo his lady of the week. All of his monsters are absurd parodies of stereotypical things women enjoy on dates, while in our series they have been repurposed with awkwardly justified military pulp origins.

STUART- Stuart is the sole heir to the Fenghueng Temple’s Great Power, a mythical hero suit used by Shaolin Warriors for centuries. He’s also the only white dude in the temple, a fact nobody really seems to notice. He’s very ignorant of the outside world, with every episode usually finding him amazed by some mundane piece of technology. He has trouble portraying his emotions and will often misunderstand social conventions, which may lead to silly b-plots.

His hero form is the “Great Warrior”, as inherited in the opening episode so he can use it and prove his worth against Shaolin Shoobadoo. The Great Warrior is adapted from “Steel Quasar Galactor”, a science fiction series about a hero who battles various alien menaces. His monsters are, naturally, various science fiction creatures such as aliens, robots, etc. In our series, they have been redeveloped as the beasts of ancient legend and prophecy, often with Galactor footage repurposed into flashbacks of Stuart’s ancestors defeating 50’s robots centuries ago. Each ancestor has a different ethnicity.

MANDY- Mandy is a pizza delivery girl who often delivers to the Fenghueng Clan. Life has killed her. She has no further aspirations in life and tends to not be very surprised by anything. Much to her indifference, she gets thrown into Kreed and Stuart’s journey when a monster destroys her pizza place and she’s out of a job.

PROFESSOR BUBS- Professor Bubs is a WHAAAACKY professor in the vein of BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY or other completely absurd kid show scientists. His laboratory is often filled to the brim with vials and unrealistic, simplified computers. He’s the go to man for information on Kreed’s foes, which are often terrible beasts created during his days as head scientist of the terrorist organization M.U.R.D.E.R.

SIFU TEACHER- Sifu teacher heads the Fenghueng Temple and knows all the secrets of the Fenghueng Shaolin clan. Whenever a new ancient nemesis of the Shaolin reemerges, it will often be his wisdom that both enlightens us about the enemy and gives us the key to their defeat. He is, however, consistently implied to be psychologically abusive to his students via bizarre statements from Stuart and the maladjusted personalities of his other students.

FENGHUENG PUPILS- Various pupils at the school, including Kyoko (who has an innocent crush on Stuart) and Akira (who may be a serial killer).

AMELIA DASTARDLY- Amelia Dastardly is the current head of the terrorist organization M.U.R.D.E.R., inheriting it from her father Michael “Kittens” Dastardly. She has made it her life’s mission to conquer the world, and clad in a militant commander’s uniform she often makes a cold, strong impression on her flunkies. She doesn’t take no for an answer, unless that answer is a double negative.

MERLOX- Merlox is an ancient wizard who serves under Amelia Dastardly. Whenever she is unable to use one of M.U.R.D.E.R.’s engineered super soldiers, Merlox digs into his old spellbooks to find the ancient enemies of the Fenghueng clan. He is wise, but snooty. Because his suit comes right from Galactor, he is a cheap looking green alien in a space suit who everyone treats like a wizard.

EPISODES

“Destiny”- Kreed arrives after a ten year journey to the Fenghueng Temple, prepared to battle the heir of the Great Warrior that originally cursed him. Unfortunately, Stuart cannot TECHNICALLY be the Great Warrior until defeating Shaolin Shoobadoo, head of the Shaolin world. Kreed reluctantly aids Stuart on his quest to master his powers, which put them into conflict with two sinister enemies: BOMBER (a box of chocolates monster) and the BEHEMOTH (a UFO monster).

“Stuart: Portrait of a Man”- Stuart gets a job as a Wal-Mart greeter when they stop at a neighboring town. Kreed decides to go off and find a worthy opponent of his own, which disturbs the townspeople. These shenanigans only go so far until Kreed is incapacitated by our week’s monster, the HYDRAX (a planet with little moons on its rings), who then proceeds to attack the store.

“Battle Kreed”- While hitchhiking to the next city, Kreed and Stuart are picked up by an old war buddy of Kreed’s: DERATAX (a diamond ring monster). Kreed takes well to his old friend, but Stuart is suspicious…and for good reason, because according to Professor Bubs, he’s since become a subordinate of M.U.R.D.E.R.!

“The Ritual”- Stuart is one step closer to being worthy to battle Shaolin Shoobadoo when he visits another Fenghueng Temple in a far off town. However, in order to past this newest test, he has to survive on his own for twenty four hours…and ends up getting into battle with the BASILISK (

I should probably mention I didn’t actually finish writing it.